I was laying down face up on a white massage table bed in a room with light grey walls, crown molding, grey and wooden furniture, a fiddle leaf fig tree in the corner, and essential oils readily available on the side credenza.
Aside from the fact that I was receiving a treatment, this room was also perfect in its own right.
I laid down eager. I have been an advocate of energy healing for some time now and am even a Reiki 1; a training I went through when I was about fourteen years old with my grandma. Understanding the positive impact of energy healing made me open and susceptible to the treatment I was about to receive.
As eager as I may have been, there was a different plan for me in that hour.
As I layed there, she started with the ankles and the tops of my feet. The vibrational frequency began and I felt stupendous.
She moved to my neck and shoulders – where I told her I harbor most of my negative tension. We went through somewhat of a visual meditation. I pictured the tension in my neck to be like knotted rope. Little by little, the knots came undone and the rope dispersed.
Then she moved to my lower abdomen, where her energy suddenly shifted.
She asked me, “May I ask you a strange question?”
I assured her she could.
“Are you ready to be happy?”
The question took me aback. Not because of its nature, but because it was the right and correct question that I knew in my gut I was struggling with.
I asked, “Is my negative energy not clearing?”
She said it was not. It was sitting there, infesting that region of my body, providing it with toxicity, and bogging it down, perpetuating my depressive states (I came out as bipolar on a recent podcast episode, which you can listen to here).
I told her that I was afraid of who I would be without that energy. I didn’t know what it was like to just sit with my positive, true energy. I was always weighed down by other anxieties. Who was I without them? For as long as I can remember, I lived with them.
I touch upon this on my podcast a bit – the idea of not knowing where you are stepping into on the road of recovery. This idea that you don’t know what being happy and stable and fulfilled looks like so therefore you are afraid to fight for such an abstract concept. In the process, you retreat to your depressive state which feels like home – no matter how painful.
It’s been something I have struggled with over the years. I have come into the light with tremendous strides (not to minimize my recovery, for it has been vast) – but I laid there and another human being pointed straight to it and said, “Why aren’t you letting go of THIS?”
Another human being saw me, so this time I couldn’t hide.
So, I started to do deep inhales through the nose and deep exhales out through the mouth. I created an audible rhythm of intense, cleansing breaths – as if to say, “GET OUT.”
And that is what started to happen.
Suddenly, I pictured myself lying naked on a beach rolling around in the sand and in the water, which was warm with small waves. I began running around the sand, sliding through it, playing around. Then, my fiancé met me there and we both started rolling around in the sand, laughing with such joy and lightness that it can only be described as pure bliss.
When the session was finished and she exited the room, telling me to take my time getting up, I started crying. I couldn’t contain the tears of joy that began to roll down my dry cheeks.
I had experienced myself – and only myself.
There were no external energies weighing me down and no negative energy plaguing my mind. This woman had given me a few moments of temporary relief (that I can now always come back to) and the relief was so overwhelming, I have categorized it as a true spiritual experience.
I thanked her prefusely for giving me such a gift; a spiritual breakthrough, a glimpse into what pure joy looks like, a reminder that the only truth is my energy, and that I am ready to be happy.
Want to learn more about Reiki? Here are some of the benefits:
Stress reduction and relaxation
Cleans and clears negative, draining or toxic energy
Relieve pain (migraine, sciatica, chronic fatigue, etc)
Heightens self awareness
If you live in San Diego, please stop by Saffron & Sage and ask for Cherie Kaplan. She did wonders for me and I know she can do wonders for you.
Have a lovely day.